Originally published by Main Line Health on Friday, September 13, 2024
I'm happy to share Cary's story, another in our blog series, each focusing on one person's journey to sobriety. Sobriety comes in many shapes and sizes and every experience is respected. This story was published by Main Line Health and is local to H. Honeycup.
It means a lot to share these stories since our own family member has struggled with addiction. In fact, this person gave the blog its name with the quote below explaining what sobriety means to her. These experiences motivate us to donate nontoxic body care to recovery and sober living centers. -Cindy, Founder of H. Honeycup.
Addiction doesn't happen overnight. For Cary, it quietly crept into his life, taking root long before he understood the depth of its grip.
"I now know that my substance abuse history started when I was very young," Cary reflects. "I believe I was born with the disease of addiction. Anything I would do, I would do it to excess."
That tendency toward excess eventually led him to opiates 25 years ago.
"The first time I took them, it was the greatest feeling I ever had in my life," Cary recalls.
For the next 15 years, Cary found himself chasing that initial high, spiraling deeper into addiction as he chased the fleeting escape these drugs offered, ultimately leading him to rehab.
The turning point
As his addiction worsened, Cary's relationships with his wife, Peg, and his family began to unravel.
"When you're a husband, father, son and friend, you're supposed to feel things," Cary says. "But I didn't want those feelings, so I did everything I could to get rid of them."
His detachment and destructive behavior wore on Peg, but she struggled to grasp what was happening.
"I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it," Peg recalls. "When I finally realized what was really going on - that he was in active addiction - it felt like my whole world was falling apart."
For years, Peg lived in denial, until one day she discovered evidence of Cary's drug use. She confronted him, giving him an ultimatum: get help or get out.
"It wasn't a pretty conversation," Peg admits. "But I knew I couldn't continue like that." This moment marked the turning point in Cary's journey. "I was caught," Cary says. "That's when things started to change."
Getting help at Mirmont Treatment Center
Unsure of whether he truly had a problem, Cary entered Mirmont Treatment Center, part of Main Line Health.
"I didn't believe I was an addict," he confesses. But in his time at Mirmont Treatment Center, Cary slowly began to see things differently. "I discovered that living without using was a much better way than living while using," he says.
Through therapy, education and the support of the staff, Cary began to realize the severity of his addiction and what recovery could offer him.
Peg's struggle and finding a support network
For Peg, those early days of Cary's recovery were difficult and isolating.
"When Cary first got out of Mirmont Treatment Center, I was still very alone," Peg remembers. "I was afraid of what people would think if they knew my husband was an addict. Would they stop letting their kids play with ours? Would they treat us differently?"
She kept their story secret, but Cary, after three months of sobriety, decided to share his recovery journey publicly on Facebook. Inspired by his courage, Peg did the same.
"I wrote a post explaining what we had been through and asking for support," she says. "The response was overwhelming. People I never would have guessed were dealing with the same thing reached out to me."
That moment was a turning point for Peg, as she realized they weren't alone in this struggle. Over the next five years, she sought out her own support system, joining Mirmont Treatment Center's Family Services Support Group and Nar-Anon.
"The family group was a godsend," Peg says. "It's a Zoom group where people just like me - people who love someone in addiction or recovery - come together to talk. Our stories are different, but in so many ways, they're exactly the same."
Peg also began working on her own 12 steps, learning that Cary's recovery was something he had to take responsibility for himself.
"When he left Mirmont Treatment Center, they gave him a list of things he needed to do to stay sober," Peg explains. "I wanted to help him, but I had to learn to step out of his way and let him do the work. Recovery is something they have to want and work for themselves."
Cary's path to recovery
While Cary focused on building his sobriety, he found solace and support in the connections he made at Mirmont Treatment Center.
"One of the greatest challenges I faced in early recovery was the lack of trust from those around me," Cary says. "But as I stayed sober, I started to embrace my fears and discovered that living clean was better than living while using."
Through the 12-step program and meetings, Cary realized he wasn't alone in his struggles.
"One speaker who came in looked nothing like me - he was young and in great shape," Cary recalls. "But as he talked, I realized he was exactly like me. I identified with everything he said."
These connections, along with therapy and the support of Narcotics Anonymous, have kept Cary grounded in his recovery.
"Out of all the clichés in recovery, the one that rings most true to me is that we can't do this alone," Cary says. "The people I went through treatment with - who I'm still close with - have been critical to my success."
Recovery as a family solution
Peg echoes this sentiment, crediting Mirmont Treatment Center with not only saving Cary's life but giving them both a second chance.
"Mirmont Treatment Center gave us education, support, and, most importantly, hope," Peg says. "Addiction takes everything away from you - it steals your joy, your peace, your future. But Mirmont Treatment Center started giving it back to us."
Together, they learned how to communicate better and rebuild their marriage.
"Our relationship is stronger than it's ever been," Peg says. "We laugh again, and we've formed friendships with other families who've gone through similar journeys. I can't imagine life without them."
For Cary, recovery is an ongoing process, one that he actively works on every day.
"Addiction's a family disease, but recovery is a family solution," Cary says.
Today, he serves as the coordinator of the Mirmont Treatment Center Alumni Association, where he helps others navigate their recovery journeys.
"It's the best job I've ever had," Cary says. "Mirmont Treatment Center saved my life, and the alumni association continues to help me on a daily basis.
Moving forward: A message of hope
Cary and Peg's story is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of recovery. Their journey wasn't easy, but through love, support and determination, they've found healing - and hope.
For others facing similar challenges, Cary offers this simple advice:
"Make a change. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and just see how life improves. I'm living proof that it works."
Peg adds, "Addiction hit us hard, but it's taught me so much. It's not about being a bad person - it's about suffering from a terrible disease. If you treat the person with love and respect, maybe, just maybe, they'll find their way to recovery."
And for Cary and Peg, that love and respect helped them rebuild a life they never thought they'd have again.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, there is hope and help available. Take the first step towards healing - call Mirmont Treatment Center today at 888.227.3898. Recovery starts with a single call, and Mirmont Treatment Center is here to support you every step of the way.